you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
