as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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