I feel like abortions should bother me more
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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