Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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