I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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