you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
