I got chris browned last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
