If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
