R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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