Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
