Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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