He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
