My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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