i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
