just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
