yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
