Plan B is the new Plan A
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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