I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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