someone get that fucking seahorse.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
