I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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