Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
