Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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