Fine. I'll sleep in my office
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
