you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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