Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
