No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
