Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
even my farts smell like vagina
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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