Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
