Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
