people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
