I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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