Only a mothe r could love this liver
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
