I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
