I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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