New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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