Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
