he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
