y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
