and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
