you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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