I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
