We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
