She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
