LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
