I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't deserve a penis
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
