Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
