I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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