I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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