When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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