he shaved USA in his pubs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
