do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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